it might be useful in case your blog incorporated comment dates – December 12, 2016 now.
I simply posted this but encountered a snag with ‘captcha’ so I’m trying again – please remove, or excuse, any duplicative posting.
since i have became a member of CS i’ve had the capacity for any hundred visions and revisions, and am mostly dismayed by the possibilities of hosting other people through CS and therefore am inserting two comments to begin —
INSERT 1 ***many people when visiting elsewhere brings a wine bottle, flat stomach, flowers, or something like that. it’s not needed, it is only things i do, that which you do, what everybody does. codes of hospitality must go as far back millennia, so it astounds use is how readily and voluntarily hosts and visitors abandon convention in support of this latest-fangled-CouchSurfing! most visitors don’t lead anything in their stay after which have no idea leave feedback. it appears in my experience that rather of taking part in a reciprocal adult interchange CouchSurfing fosters (a pun) an infantilized relationship where hosts are forecasted right into a “parental” role and visitors are forecasted in to the role of “children”! frequently surfers communicate poorly, coming late or by no means, one saying, thanks but i’m remaining having a friend in Brooklyn tonight, I’ll return tomorrow – which is the way a young child might ignore the support of the parents’ unconditional hospitality. this really is fucked up, don’t think? allow me to be obvious – i’m not so thinking about a wine bottle, but i’m less thinking about a guest who doesn’t provide a wine bottle – because of the fact that couchsurfing is free of charge and therefore doesn’t establish the greater proper rapport of, say, airbandb which a minimum of strikes the correct relationship by an exchange of payment, a corrective is through necessary to avert being cast right into a childish model. some surfers boast “i shouldn’t remain in expensive hotels, i wish to stick with a local” and individuals couchsurfers who thus boast they would certainly pay $100 an evening display no generosity! yes, i’m a jerk, however i think you can find a peek at some thing! one guest was embarrassed when i said that he’d never appear anywhere without something – also it was proper he was embarrassed! but whether you’re ever my guest, hopefully some, simply by studying this, may be alerted that couchsurfing indeed thwarts instead of fosters normative relating, and that i urge everybody to step-up should you not wish to be a part of this type of pernicious problem. couchsurfing provides an chance to increase to attempt gracious hosting and receiving – it is the hosts simply to provide hospitality – don’t fuck up. ***
INSERT 2 ***if you’re in a bind because another host was you up or socialized inappropriately i’m frequently willing propose should you leave feedback reflecting that. departing a reference bolsters your credibility (beside me anyway), and simultaneously is extremely useful to future surfers who definitely are following inside your actions. yes, it could familiarizes you with a responsive reference and that’s why i only say to simply stick to the minimal details, but place it available nevertheless. i gotta’ say, though, by using this requirement i’ve NEVER located anybody who claimed to stay in this type of bind who adopted up, making me take all individuals desperate last-minute demands by transient surfers less seriously. ***
that’s it in my inserts – here’s my “profile” as they say …
besides convenience, communication goes a lengthy method to my thinking about hosting. again, see (as well as pardon) my type of complaining ‘rant,’ below (i anticipate i’ll lose your good will and advantage of question for articulating everything!) … mostly it states when i’m supplying a couch and clean linens, most likely beer, you need to most likely communicate – step lively! my invitations are suitable for real and that i recognize they aren’t probably the most flexible or personal, but regardless, if something results in as too flaky or incoherent or disinterested, i’d be inclined to interpret it as being you declining my invite altogether, which, accordingly, i’ll withdraw. for example, basically see an invitee checked in without a minimum of acknowledging a party invitation with a minimum of an “i’ll inform you a little later,” or maybe i’m eking out one- or more-word replies that either keep me wondering or cause me to feel think that i’m overextending hospitality to – and waiting on – somebody that doesn’t appear interested, or maybe they request an As soon as possible response however keep me waiting until the following day, i’ll weary and withdraw an invite. i’ve always got other things you can do and even perhaps others to ask. i realize its not all traveler has quick access to phones and emails, however, you can make certain to speak enough to ensure that i am not left wondering, right?
and, if ultimately you aren’t interested, what about the glory of letting me know, “no, but thanks!”!
the rant I indicated above was incorporated around the old couchsurfing site. then, under negligence my old profile entitled: “my opinion concerning the couchsurfing project” – i’ll copy it and paste it the following:
exactly what do i consider couchsurfing? hard to articulate. i imagine from the surfer’s perspective it’s ideal. but from the host’s perspective it may open the doorway to some considerable little bit of … codependency? it is not quite it … since the nature of couchsurfing is dependency, however in my limited experience to date, some surfers are excessively-helpless departing it towards the hosts to provide the initiative too! and that i imagine many hosts, as frequently as not, fill that gap, which is a good example for that visit, but, theoretically, a minimum of, so far as i’m concerned, the initiative must range from surfer. and, theoretically, a minimum of, and, again, so far as i’m concerned, with no initiative from the surfer, for me, any ‘connection’ is ‘dead within the water.’
allow me to explain. i am aware you will find cultural variations, and that i recognize people shouldn’t share everything all at one time. but additionally, regarding couchsurfing, at the start stage a minimum of, the host has got the goods – it’s not like surfers do the hosts a big favor (whether or not the surfer is fascinating and it has it altogether, etc.) – so surfers ought to be more wanting to seal the offer than hosts and cannot leave all of the initiative to hosts because chance would did not get them – do you not think? it is not couchsurfing esoterica, it’s exactly the same if i wish to obtain a job, a condo, to start dating ? – anything in existence! rather of the surfer just saying “i need accommodations,Inches it is always good for any surfer to begin the ball moving, letting a number know some logistics, conditions, how messages could be exchanged, and interpersonal particulars. for me, since the surfer needs something and wishes to facilitate the hosting, s/he shouldn’t have a potential host awaiting an answer and really should anticipate the host’s foreseeable concerns, so a number shouldn’t have to ask or question about such things as “did they get my message?” or “did they read my profile?” or “does he get emails instantly?Inches or”does she possess a phone?” or “does their saying ‘i understand’ mean ‘yes’?! communication can’t be perfect, not to mention missing details might be provided throughout further exchanges, however the initial communication i’ve present in couchsurfing is really facebooky it’s not always worth saving, for me.
so, for me, the responsibility is around the surfer. we’re not having faith in buddies yet. for example, a supposedly interested surfer immediately requested in my address and telephone number before we arrived at any agreement – shouldn’t he have offered his? obviously he must have! besides, it’s unwise and stupid for any location of hand out a previous address and telephone number immediately. obviously, if coordinating contact is hard, let them know, but don’t assume your host is definitely an open book. obviously information may ultimately is going to be exchanged anyhow, but i have seen this backwardizing at couchsurfing – an important tail-wag-dog-cart-before-the-horse-disorder. my estimation is when a number is attracted into filling that gap, offering the missing initiative, it makes that codependency. following the buzz wears from the paired other people will realize they aren’t, rather than were, buddies – it’s exactly that the give-and-take is really seriously skewed it gives that contrived facebooky sense of engagement.
it will get further complicated whenever a host invites a guest for that simple reason why, even though the host takes the initiative, it ought to still depend on the invitee to facilitate the hosting.
being an aside – and never concerning the backwardizing, but about no communication which frequently results in as entitlement or ineptness or rudeness – basically provide a surfer accommodations, a secure place having a sofabed, clean linens, most likely beer and occasional, in the event that prospective surfer isn’t interested it is perfectly normal to state “thanks, but no thanks” instead of to simply blow from the offer. (clearly it is not just couchsurfing – we ought to have the ability to found that from your parents – except that it’s not apparent to everybody causes it to be worth mentioning within my obnoxious rant.) lately, anyone to whom i offered a couch who didn’t reply whatsoever, published within the last minute group he was later switched from his other host’s apartment … but nonetheless without facilitating any communication to get it done! i truly might have helped him out – and that i even desired to help him out – but his communication managed to get impossible, and my job isn’t in order to save him from themself. nobody ‘deserves’ to stay in this type of compromised situation because this guy found themself in, although i know it was not quite ‘tragic’ he ultimately spent an evening around the subway (not tragic for me personally certainly!), is it not apparent which had he considered his communicating in the outlook during his many other prospective hosts he may have a minimum of cultivated good quality will? nobody deserves to stay in this type of compromised situation to begin with, however it type of serves him right he didn’t have where you can select from.
each one of these reservations aren’t personal – i am aware that such passivity is very prevalent as well as a number of my nearest buddies communicate poorly or could be irresponsible, it is not an offer-breaker. but real existence relations are hopefully joined into with no contrived role reversal. i actually do suspect that here on couchsurfing many hosts and surfers strike the incorrect “notes” due to this contrivance. i do not tolerate it. i am aware too that i’m just imposing my conditions on everyone. however that too is among the special gems of codependency, right?
in almost any situation, if i’m waiting on some response and rather abruptly terminate our communication or rescind an invite chances are exactly due to this. and, for which it’s worth, i encourage all hosts to think about doing likewise. i love to believe that some invitees from whom i’ve withdrawn invitations a minimum of take every other hosts’ invitations more seriously.
i know my spelling out these factors cannot help – i have to seem an uptight condescending jerk. that’s ok. but those who are attuned to communication most likely don’t mind and even perhaps agree.
which was my rant. I only typed that out because within the time I’ve been hosting as frequently as not people leave me wondering.
WORST COUCHSURFING EXPERIENCE || STORYTIME
Ray Mundo: I think couch surfing is like hitchhiking. There are definitely risks involved for both parties. You take your chances!
Eva Bergant: maaan if I were you, I'd ran away and find a hotel to stay in immediately after Nastia told me she was out of town. like that would seem suspicious enough for me to walk away. fast. I don't trust people easily 😀 but I'm glad that you are okay and that you shared your experience. :)
Rajesh madaan: Good luck
Maïa Van Waes: Girl…. how many warning signs do you need to just go away ? xD
natalalacha: Maïa Van Waes she is the victim. she do not need that kind of comment.
Karadjordje Trkulja: sorry but you're stupid
myassessment adres: Couchsurfing can be ok, but I find it so dangerous, staying with someone I do not know, and the culture is totally unknown to you. Belgium people are dangerous. They expect alot from you. You are too beautiful, be careful with Dutch and Belgium people. Do not trust Dutch people doing business/sharing information, and do not sleep in a Belgium house, if you do not know them for a long time. Unless you are willing to take the risk and are prepared..
Tom Schellens: what an idiot
Shruthi Reddy: The name "Nastia" sounds Nasty. Warning 0.
Derik De Baun: Shruthi Reddy "Nastia" is shorthand for "Anastasia".